Posted February 23, 2012

A confederacy of Filches

Big East, Cincinnati Bearcats, Conference Realignment, Connecticut Huskies, Harry Potter Jokes, Louisville Cardinals, Pitt Panthers, Rutgers Scarlet Knights, South Florida Bulls, Syracuse Orange, Temple Owls

Temple mascot Hooter and the Fighting Hedwigs are in talks to join the Big East in all sports. (Main image: US PRESSWIRE; inset: Warner Bros.)

Temple’s return to the Big East, if it goes through, will elevate an owl mascot to the AQ level for the first time since the school’s 2004 ejection from the conference. It’s a natural fit for the league of Squibs, but as the move is rather last-minute from a conditioning standpoint, you may find yourselves falling behind, winded in an effort to make Harry Potter jokes during league play in 2012. Below, a few basic maneuvers you might find useful, during an imaginary conference schedule that assumes the Fighting Hedwigs join up with the Ever-Increasingly Accurately Named Big East by fall:

October 6, 2012. Temple @ UConn.Accio passing game, you guys! Amirite??”

October 13, 2012. Syracuse @ Temple. “Addazio’s offense without Bernard Pierce is deader than Dumbledore.”

October 20, 2012. Temple @ Pitt. “I tell you what, this Owls front seven has put Tino Sunseri in Azkaban.”

October 27, 2012. Rutgers @ Temple. “And what a coming-out party for Matt Brown! He blasted through the Scarlet Knights’ line like a Dementor! A Dementor on a Firebolt!”

November 3, 2012. Temple @ Cincinnati. “Somebody signal a trainer to cast an Engorgio charm on Munchie Legaux already! He’s going nowhere this afternoon.”

November 10, 2012. Louisville @ Temple. “That’s Will ‘Flitwick’ Stein, dropped for a loss by Blaze ‘Expelliarmus‘ Caponegro.”

November 24, 2012. Temple @ South Florida. “Skip Holtz is a Horcrux.”

Yes. This has legs. Legs that end in bird feet talons.

0 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest