Leave you for the weekend without addressing the annual SEC head coaches photo? Never:
Let’s unpack: There’s Joker Phillips, looking as though he’s just been told he’s the head coach of the Kentucky football team, Gary Pinkel’s floating hair giving away that he’s clearly wearing an invisible motorcycle helmet filled with formaldehyde, Les Miles sleeping, Steve Spurrier looking embalmed, Hugh Freeze and Bobby Petrino wearing black shirts under white ones, Derek Dooley, James Franklin and Mark Richt forming a smug triangle of complacent neatness, some unimaginable alien creature with a Dan Mullen puppet, the ever-elfin Slive, Gene Chizik boasting to a bored cameraman about his new moisture-wicking jacket lining, Will Muschamp in a pleather jacket, Kevin Sumlin looking as though he’s just taken a needle of adrenaline to the heart, and Nick Saban, once again managing to stand in the back row though these things are generally arranged by height. Yes, business as usual.
The rest of our favorite stories from this past week: Gus Malzahn unlocking the untold attraction properties of Olive Garden. No matter who your rooting interest (unless it’s Kansas), you have to admire the moxie of this small child. We are concerned that basketball student sections have surpassed football fans in creativity and execution. The most entertaining arrest of the offseason, thus far, involves a long snapper running headfirst into a gas meter. Sally Jenkins helpfully points out that Randy Edsall is undefeated against players wearing hats indoors, so he’s got that going for him. And you can own a piece of Mountain West Conference history, shortly before the conference itself goes the way of the dodo.
That’ll do it for us this week. If you’re hankering for actual football, the number of teams playing it at this moment has doubled in size: Texas Tech joins Army today in holding spring practices which will be wrapped up before the first day of spring. Best of luck to Raiders in red and Knights in black.