Posted January 17, 2013

Important News! Introducing the SISII

Flights of Ridiculous Whimsy, Injuries, Player Arrests

This man does not play college football. But this scooter is awesome. (AP)

We’re almost exactly two days from the kickoff of the 2011 college football season, which means, of course, that the most captivating news of the day involves a South Carolina quarterback getting into a moped accident. And no, his name is not Stephen Garcia. Delicious pull quote:

Clifford was found unconscious after falling off of his moped. Spurrier said the redshirt freshman was not wearing a helmet and was carrying a pizza at the time of the accident.

Very best wishes to Andrew Clifford, who sustained a concussion in the accident and will be sidelined for several weeks. The condition of the pizza is unknown at this time.

To help an avid readership keep up with the year-round news cycle of moped-related college football mishaps, Campus Union is proud to introduce the SISII, or Scooter Injury Index. (NB: For our purposes, we will be using “scooter” and “moped” interchangeably; deal with it, gearheads.) This will be a living document, constantly updated with the very latest in scooter-affected roster moves, to illustrate the moped as an engine of change in NCAA athletics. I’ve listed every scooter injury I can think of dating back to 2008 below; if you have a correction or know of another incident, (there have to be more, right?), kindly leave the pertinent information in the comments and we’ll refresh the post.

Clark Gaston, FB, South Carolina: January 2008
Nick Prochak, TE, South Carolina: January 2008
Chris Hairston, LT, Clemson: September 2008
Matt Patchan, LT, Florida: 2009 (month unknown) and January 2011
Chase Vasser, LB, Georgia: September 2009
Josh Koeppel, OL, Iowa: August 2010
Marcus Dowtin, LB, Georgia: August 2010
Pete DeSouza, OT, Maryland: October 2010
Dexter McDougle, CB, Maryland: December 2010
Isaiah Ross, DE, Maryland: December 2010
Derrick Lott, DE, Georgia: July 2011
Ray Drew, LB, Georgia: August 2011
Andrew Clifford, QB, South Carolina: August 2011

And this project would be incomplete without its companion document, the SISAI, or Scooter Arrest Index, tracking scooter-related arrests in college football. Once again, Georgia rules the day, both in volume and notoriety for the greatest single arrest in college athletics history (wave to the audience, Vance Cuff!).

Caleb King, RB, Georgia: July 2007
NaDerris Rakeem Ward, TE, Georgia: July 2007
Rennie Curran, LB, Georgia: October 2007
Wendel Davis, LB, Arkansas: July 2008
Jonathan Casillas, LB, Wisconsin: September 2008
Barry Humphries, C, Clemson: May 2009
Kyle Calloway, OL, Iowa: June 2009
Vance Cuff, CB, Georgia: October 2009
Alec Ogletree, S, Georgia: June 2010
Greg Reid, CB, Florida State: September 2011 (charges later dropped)
• Jessamen Dunker, OL, Florida: January 2013

• HONORABLE MENTION: That time three Oregon State players stole a golf cart

Will Georgia’s reign of terror ever be squelched? Vanderbilt has formalized its attempt with the formation of a scooter club, so I like the Commodores’ chances. What say you?