Some light reading and our favorite stories of the week to speed you through Friday.

Everything I’ve ever known is a lie. RT @ASUDevilscom: Brock Osweiler measured 6-foot-6 7/8 at NFL Combine without shoes.

— Gina Mizell (@ginamizell) February 24, 2012

• Can’t trust a blessed thing in this world. If we can’t depend on Brock Osweiler being 6-8, what can we depend on? Next thing you’ll tell us Ron Zook is, at best, a mediocre and unenthusiastic jetskiier.

• More like “leaders of the pack beating a fast trail out of Denton,” amirite, Hoosiers? The problem, in the end, with naming conference divisions “Leaders” and “Legends” is that every league, no matter how stacked, is going to have its Indiana. Smart and sassy Michigan internet fixture MGoBlog follows up our shoddy “research” with some “research” of its own — and speaking of shoddy, Brand Explorers still can’t spell “analysis.” Fun extrapolation from the ensuing comment thread: “This, combined with the the poll posted on the board yesterday, suggests that Michigan fans disapprove of the division names more strongly than they approve of Brady Hoke.” Who just won Michigan a Sugar Bowl, you might have heard.

• The state bird of Ohio. Is not football, but don’t mention that to the northern cardinal.

• Ricky Williams, graven idol. We can only hope that future civilizations, surveying the wreckage of post-zombie-apocalyptic America, will find these bronzed tributes to our beautiful game and build a religion around them.

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Joseph Williams, a walk-on at UVA, is participating in a hunger strike to raise awareness for the Living Wage Campaign. (Icon SMI)

Developing a pet cause in college is a rite of passage as expected as changing one’s major five or six times, but something tells us Virginia defensive back Joseph Williams isn’t the type to chain himself to a historic tree to impress a girl. Williams is part of a hunger strike being undertaken by a group of UVA students to raise awareness for the Living Wage Campaign, which seeks to increase university employee pay to $13 an hour with benefits.

It’s a cause that’s particularly personal to Williams, as he explains in a blog entry:

As one of four children supported by a single mother, I have experienced many periods of economic hardship in my life. Growing up, I moved over 30 times – including various stays in homeless shelters, the homes of family friends, and church basements. As a result of these experiences, I know firsthand what the economic struggle is like for many of these underpaid workers. One UVa employee anonymously shared that though she works full time for the University, over 40 hours a week, her family was still forced to go without electricity for nearly 3 months, unable to pay for the rent, electric bill and other basic necessities on the meager wages she is paid by the University. Such stories are the reason that I and countless other Living Wage supporters have chosen to take up this cause and give a voice to the many University employees who often cannot speak up for fear of retaliation from the administration.

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Temple mascot Hooter and the Fighting Hedwigs are in talks to join the Big East in all sports. (Main image: US PRESSWIRE; inset: Warner Bros.)

Temple’s return to the Big East, if it goes through, will elevate an owl mascot to the AQ level for the first time since the school’s 2004 ejection from the conference. It’s a natural fit for the league of Squibs, but as the move is rather last-minute from a conditioning standpoint, you may find yourselves falling behind, winded in an effort to make Harry Potter jokes during league play in 2012. Below, a few basic maneuvers you might find useful, during an imaginary conference schedule that assumes the Fighting Hedwigs join up with the Ever-Increasingly Accurately Named Big East by fall:

October 6, 2012. Temple @ UConn. “Accio passing game, you guys! Amirite??”

October 13, 2012. Syracuse @ Temple. “Addazio’s offense without Bernard Pierce is deader than Dumbledore.”

October 20, 2012. Temple @ Pitt. “I tell you what, this Owls front seven has put Tino Sunseri in Azkaban.”

October 27, 2012. Rutgers @ Temple. “And what a coming-out party for Matt Brown! He blasted through the Scarlet Knights’ line like a Dementor! A Dementor on a Firebolt!”

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Oregon State's Malcolm Marable (22) was cited for driving 104 mph on the interstate. (US PRESSWIRE)

Just when it seems we’re in for a quiet week of an already interminable offseason, up pops a cluster of frolicsome arrests and citations to help us forget, however momentarily, that it is February and these kinds of stories are all we have to divert us from our daily spins on the hamster wheel between now and September. Cast your vote below for the Allstate Police Blotter Item of the Week:*

Candidate 1: Malcolm Marable, CB, Oregon State.
The Incident: Clocked at 104 mph (in a 65-mph zone, as though speed limits really matter here) on the interstate.
The Case For: Was also driving without proof of insurance, just to be cheeky.
The Case Against: Already drawing inevitable comparisons to former Oregon rival Cliff Harris’ infamous speeding arrest. And Harris was going faster.
Bonus Trivia: Both Harris and Marable were driving Altimas at the time of their law enforcement run-ins. Shrieking pundit class ready to suggest the abolition of college football every time a high-profile student-athlete is arrested or seriously injured, now’s your chance to get on the anti-Nissan bandwagon, and warn a grateful nation against these cars that are clearly designed to seduce our youths into unsafe driving habits.

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Why, yes, this will be our go-to Randy Edsall photo until the Earth stops spinning on its axis. Be his backup quarterback Valentine. Or else. –>

The Maryland press release announcing the cessation of transfer hostilities between Randy Edsall and the latest Terps pining to play elsewhere landed in our inbox, and all we could think was, ”This would look fantastic above a gallery of 20 or so laughing animals.” Can everybody see the camel in the second row here? Read on, and see if you don’t make that exact face.

“While at first I thought it was important to limit the institutions to which they could transfer, I have since reconsidered my decision” Edsall said. “At the end of the day, I want what’s best for these guys and I wish them well in their futures.”

When the history of Edsall is written, this gem will be enshrined in his gilded irony pantheon, alongside this passage uttered upon his departure from UConn:

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Innumerable thanks to intrepid Twitterer @James_Bravo for alerting us to the existence of this 2013 linebacker prospect:

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Obie gets to take off the suit (probably), but staging December and January games can be a full-time gig. (AP)

We joked Monday about how we would’ve loved to work for the Fiesta Bowl during the John Junker heyday, because who doesn’t enjoy attending $30,000 birthday parties? But you, gentle readers, may be as surprised to learn that bowl employees work more than four days a year as our own mother was to learn that we work more than four months. While recuperating from the crush of bowl season, Campus Union spoke with bowl worker bees and executive types busy putting bows on their 2011 games while laying the groundwork for the 2012 postseason. Here’s what we learned.

Months of moving parts

Every postseason college football contests maintains a year-round calendar of sorts, though we were surprised on both ends of the spectrum by just how many and how few year-round employees are retained by certain games. (For comparison’s sake: The Outback Bowl employs five year-round staffers; the Music City Bowl has nine, most of whom double up with duties to the Nashville Sports Council; and the Orange Bowl has 30, with plans to bring on an additional nine full-time positions this year to accommodate preparations for hosting the BCS title game.) The timeline varies wildly based on available personnel, resources, the organization’s presence in the community and how the game approaches its own team selection process. The first scout I personally laid eyes on last season was a very nice lady representing the Champs Sports Bowl in Morgantown in Week 3 during LSU-West Virginia. Both squads, of course, would go on to win their conferences and play in BCS bowls, but that early in the season, bowl scouts share the same disadvantage as the rest of us: All they have to go on is preseason rankings and their own prognostications.

Still, for a game like the Chick-fil-A Bowl, which draws from two of the more voluminous conferences, scouting all potentially eligible teams in person in a single season is a daunting task. Volunteer CFA scouts go out in Week 1 to begin assessing various SEC and ACC squads, though the bowl’s selection committee does not convene until November.

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Former Fiesta Bowl CEO John Junker (right) will reportedly plead guilty Tuesday to state and federal charges. (AP)

John Junker, ousted Fiesta Bowl CEO, will formalize his shaming of the yellow-blazer brotherhood on Tuesday, according to the Arizona Republic. The paper spoke to Junker’s defense attorney, who says his client will plead guilty to state and federal felony charges stemming from his use of bowl employees and resources to influence politicians in the area.

Sadly, however, we’ll be deprived of the privilege of hearing any more from Junker regarding the necessity of taking a bowl security consultant to a Phoenix strip club. More from the Republic report: ”Despite accusations in the report that Junker used bowl funds for questionable spending, he will not be charged with any crimes related to spending at the Fiesta Bowl under the plea agreement.”

We have always wanted tips on how to best $30,000 for our own birthday party, and will have to take our quest elsewhere. RIP, John Junker administration, 2000-2011. You sound like you were a super entertaining place to work, for a while.

We feel like this didn’t get enough play last week, probably because it was posted at quittin’ time on a Friday, but hide your parents’ sisters, doting nephews of Westwood!

UCLA’s offensive coordinator and currently Tim Tebow’s QB coach, Noel Mazzone, stood my auntie up for her prom in 1974. #notsofunfact

— Arian Foster (@ArianFoster) February 17, 2012

Friend of the program and LSU gadabout @thecajunboy tweeted this photo Friday night from a Mardi Gras parade:

Outstanding effort by Krewe d’Etat. No matter the target, we always admire trolling that shows real craftsmanship. Don’t miss the revoked Bobby Hebert press pass at the bottom right.